Be BOLD, Be Brave, Be YOU

This is a blog that aims to do nothing but tell you exactly how I feel at this moment in time…

Never have I ever been so disappointed and full to the brim with inexplicable feelings towards the Education system, the Government and the challenges most of us face when it comes to both.

Having spent nineteen years in education, training to become what I thought would be an employable individual seeking a role within the arts, I still cannot succeed in a role which is undoubtedly suited to my qualifications, experience and skill. During all my years in education I have worked hard in many different sectors in the labour market. From stacking shelves, customer service and sales to book editing, teaching and project coordination. I have a positive approach to everything I do, I remain calm under pressure and offer excellent communication skills. I can plan to cater for any needs. I can teach. I can be an inspiration and I have the capacity to learn fast and well. Yet here I am, twenty six years of age and still desperately seeking my dream job.

Hours of my time has been spent writing the perfect applications to suit roles which I would love to achieve; programme managers for arts charities, teaching roles in a performing arts environment and learning officers or management within growing art establishments. More time has then been spent, after being offered interviews, to prepare project plans, budget materials and perfect answers to their questions, which aim to prove me suitable for their role. But still I am unemployed with a list of sodden excuses as to why I am not good enough.

I am a person who lives for laughter and love. I thrive on positive thinking. I put in 110% effort in to everything that I do. My qualifications range from diplomas to post graduate degrees. I volunteer, I am caring, I am helpful and creative. I work both collaboratively and independently. I am organised, good at prioritising workloads and enjoy pressure and being busy. I have the biggest passion for achieving and doing everything I can to succeed. I dream of becoming an asset to an organisation whose aim is to inspire, particularly young people, through art forms and support these people in achieving things they didn’t believe possible. I want to give young people the best possible chance to succeed in life, because as we all know, it is a tough life that we live.

Art is frowned upon. “it’s a drop out course” “it gets you nowhere” “You will fail” BULLSHIT!
Art is so vast and so incredibly inspiring to not just young people, but all of us. Open your eyes and look around at all the beauty in this world; architecture, gardens, paintings, statues, literature, music. None of which would have been possible without an artistic, imaginative, creative mind. It can support people through difficult times. It can make people happy. It can provoke emotion we didn’t even know we could feel. Yet here we are telling our future that art is unnecessary. Wake up!

My biggest ambition is to make a difference in people’s lives using art as a catalyst. Whether that be as a teacher, a project coordinator or running an art organisation. I have never felt so passionate about something in my whole life and I am being shot down for not having enough experience or the correct skillset. Sue me for not having all these qualities written down on a piece of paper and signed off by some dude who leans back in his spinning chair all day. Give me a chance to PROVE it to you.

Fair play to all those people who attended the same interviews I did and achieved the role. You must have bought more to the table and for that, I congratulate you. Good for you for keeping the spirit of the arts alive and being able to expose all your abilities, passions and experience to the employer. I tried my best. I tried my absolute hardest to achieve. I worked myself to the bone to be the best I can be. I wish it was enough. I wish I could tell you that I have acquired the job that lets me practice all my talents, my qualities my passions and my skillset. I want to make you proud of me. Each and every single one of you. I want my Mum to be able to tell her friends that I am happy as Larry working in the industry I long to thrive in. I want my brother to feel inspired by his baby sister. I want my friends to hear all the wonderful stories I have to share about my working environment. I’d love to report back to my teachers, tutors and mentors that I am ‘living the dream’.

There are so many emotions running through me at the moment. My heart is literally pumping out a different one with each beat. Failure, disappointment, strength, anger, loss, bravery, positivity, upset, passion, determination, irritancy, rejection, pity… the list goes on and on. It is so difficult to sit here and write this, but in the same way I feel more and more relieved after each word.

What am I doing so wrong? What makes me so unemployable in the field of work that I so badly aspire to be a part of? It is hard times. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection. Rejection is my biggest fear and here I am, dwelling in its hand. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going is all that echoes around my head.

To all of you who are working just as hard as I am to achieve, to succeed, to be everything you wished to be when you were young… It is a tough fight and dreams don’t work unless you do, so keep going. At least, that is what I keep telling myself. A dear friend of mine sent me a card once, which displayed the words “Be Bold, Be Brave, Be You”. I try to live by this every single day – through all the best times and all the bad times. Because that is all I have to give this world; someone bold, someone brave, me.

 

 

If you have any questions or comments please do let me know: amieblinks@gmail.com

My Current State of Mind

A blog aiming to just summarise briefly my current thoughts on all the changes going on in my life, leading up to, hopefully, my fresh start at this life I lead and love.

I didn't think in a million years I would ever move away from my home here. I love Bicester, and I am such a home comforts girl that I never dreamed of moving 4 hours down the road! Not a chance. But here I am, finding amazing, heart warming, one in a billion kind of people, and moving to Cornwall. It is unbelievable what life can throw at you - good and bad - but I am so grateful for the journey and experiences I have had so far. I cannot wait to see where life takes me when I get down there. I just know in my heart it is the best move, the greatest decision and the wisest choice for me at this point in my life. A fresh start.

Everyone I know down there, who looks forward to me joining them, makes me really count my blessings. These people who make my heart burn with a bright desire to just be there already. My tummy feels like your tongue would straight after sipping a boiling hot drink. It burns with a passion for Cornwall and my new life there, that I am so excited to just get started. I need to be careful though as it is making me drift through what I have here and I don't want to regret not making the most of my last few months in Bicester. Already I am being pushed out by some people who I have loved for years, maybe because they feel less willing to put effort in as they know I am leaving? I don't know their reasoning but it makes me truly sad to know people are like that, but at the same time, it is really proving who my friends are. The process of moving shouldn't affect these things in a person's life, however one cannot forcefully change another's opinion or decision and so if that is what they deem right to do, so be it. I hope they are happy, as I know I will be in the long run.

Here I am though, sat like a sitting duck just waiting for my life to really start, because I know the date 'May 26th 2015' is going to be the most significant in all my life yet. That is when I can truly become my own person. I absolutely cannot wait. Until then I will continue to miss Cornwall and my Cornish family and friends. They are the colour in my life down there. Everything else if still very much in a grey area, but they are shining at me like a rainbow. How lucky I am to have you all. To have my Auntie Trish, my cousins and second cousins! To have Jack, Connor, Shannon - my new soul mates who I love tons and tons! But also, back home to have my Mother who has supported me through excitement and a lot of over analysing of paperwork! I will miss her everyday. She will always hold a piece of my heart which will stay here in Bicester. My brother, Adam, who has shown me he can be the rock I have always seen in him, the epitome of who a brother should be. Caring, kind, loving, thoughtful and so supportive in ways I didn't think he could be. My Bicester friends who have chosen to stick by me through this life changing decision and support me with encouragement and comfort. Colleagues at work who have offered their heart warming statements of kindness and expressed their sadness in my choice to leave. OYAP Trust has been a job which has bought me into myself and I will always be inspired by my director Helen Le Brocq, for her fantastic experiences and outlook on life and my manager Caroline Tress, for her kind, supportive and caring nature. Thank you each - you have all aided in my happiness and encouraged me to make this move with a positive attitude and a huge grin on my face.

I am lucky, I feel blessed and I was compelled to blog about this today.